"Perfect Marriage" Dating Tips #1

Apparently I really touched a nerve with my last post. It was pretty obvious from the crowds that showed up for our "Sanders Perfect Marriage Retreat" last week that all 6 of you needed a lot of help getting it together in the marriage department.

the milling throngs at the Perfect Marriage Retreat

I need to share one particularly touching moment that occurred during our 'Give Me Your Two Cents' dialogue hour with the audience. A sweet young woman who obviously needed a lot of guidance by the amount of hairspray she was using asked me, "Carla, just what should I be looking for in a man? I've been dating so many losers. Do you have any help for me?

You may remember from my initial posting on this blog that I am not a professional advice-giver. However, my heart was so wrenched at seeing this dear girl's mascara running in rivulets towards the floor over her downy cheeks that I made a promise to myself, my friends, my family, my nation and my God that I would do whatever it takes to prevent this tragedy from repeating. If you need my dating and marriage advice, by gum, I will give it.

DATING TIP #1

 First of all, you need to face what you are looking for in a man (I'm speaking to women here, of course...you guys are on your own, or just watch and learn). My big problem when first weighing candidates for a love interest was that I was looking for a "type." Here's one type:

Yes, I was in the market for a Mr. Darcy...a broody, dark and mysterious man that would stare at me gloomily from across the room, glare at me during social occasions and say things like "In vain have I struggled. It will not do. My feelings will not be repressed. You must allow me to tell you how ardently I admire and love you.”  And wear really cool cravats. 

And of course, if he actually looked like a young Colin Firth, the deal was sealed.

I never found my Darcy. The closest I got was finding really moody guys who complained about bad traffic on their way to work. I did NOT find that particularly sexy. 

In the end, what I got was...

Yes! Cheerful, happy, loving Mr. Bingley! 

And you know what? It turns out a Mr. Bingley is a whole lot easier to be married to than a Mr. Darcy, dozens of fan-fiction novels notwithstanding. They are open, trusting, polite to waitresses and servants, and they don't care if you are not landed gentry. Perhaps a little too forgiving of misbehaving friends and relatives, but all is forgiven when you realize they think you are the best thing that's happened to them since they won that chess tournament in high school..

Type Two Man I was in the market for...

The Bad Boy.

A man who would blast his way through any ridiculous circumstance he'd find himself in with a dashing combination of  finesse and over-the-top bravado, all the while flinging witticisms... "Look, Your Worshipfulness, let's get one thing straight. I take orders from just one person: me."  You never know where he is, or who he's with...you just know he's HOT.

But you know who I really needed? 

Every woman should end up with a Wookie. Brave, loyal, strong, a great space-ship pilot (you can substitute  Mario Kart prowess here),  someone who doesn't waste words and races in to save the damsel in distress at a moment's notice.  And who knows how to grow a face-full when the need arises.

Obviously, this is just a starting point, ladies. Next time perhaps we can talk about WHERE you can find these Mr. Bingleys and Wookies who will make potential happiness-mates. In the meanwhile, keep the faith, and watch for that really good-looking guy's "wing man." He just might be your rescuing angel. 

(Here's a nice serious-type quotation for those of you who don't believe me.)

“It starts so young, and I'm angry about that. The garbage we're taught. About love, about what's "romantic." Look at so many of the so-called romantic figures in books and movies. Do we ever stop and think how many of them would cause serious and drastic unhappiness after The End? Why are sick and dangerous personality types so often shown a passionate and tragic and something to be longed for when those are the very ones you should run for your life from? Think about it. Heathcliff. Romeo. Don Juan. Jay Gatsby. Rochester. Mr. Darcy. From the rigid control freak in The Sound of Music to all the bad boys some woman goes running to the airport to catch in the last minute of every romantic comedy. She should let him leave. Your time is so valuable, and look at these guys--depressive and moody and violent and immature and self-centered. And what about the big daddy of them all, Prince Charming? What was his secret life? We don't know anything about him, other then he looks good and comes to the rescue.” 
― Deb Caletti, The Secret Life of Prince Charming