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"You know, I've never been in a fistfight. I wonder what it feels like to punch someone? Does it really sound like 'thwack?' Does it hurt your fist--I think it has to. Does it 'crunch,' or only if you break a nose?"
"Sounds like a Bucket List item, mom," said one of my girls. "Start a Fight Club!"
The Fight Club idea was tempting, but I think there are a few other activities rolling around in my mind that might take priority. I have a feeling they have evolved from where I was at 20 years ago. Like--back then, one of my goals would be to raise 4 perfect children. Check. All done with that. I just had to amend that one a little ("raise four
So now, safely limping into my 50's, here is my carefully thought-through set of lofty goals that I'd like to achieve before I die:
1 Once, just once, I'd like to go skinny dipping. An all-points bulletin would need to be issued to warn all possible passers-by, because if you even DARE to peek, I will scream bloody murder.
2. I want to ride a cow Not a bucking bull, just a nice, slow moo-cow.
3. I would like my husband to introduce me as his "arm-candy" in a formal party situation.
4. I would like to jump out of an airplane. Preferably with a parachute attached And another person attached, as well. If I'm gonna die, it's not gonna be alone.5. I would like Brad Pitt to follow my blog. Not that I have a thing for him or anything.
6. I realized today there is not one single famous person I really would like to meet or have dinner with (including Brad Pitt, surprisingly enough). What is wrong with me? OK--I've changed my mind...I'd like to eat dinner with Flipper. Is he still alive?
7. I want all my children to rise up and call me "Blessed" (Proverbs 31:28). Literally. During a large public celebration of the day of my birth, accompanied by the London Symphony Orchestra. I don't ask for much; if they aren't available, I'll go with the St. Olaf Choir.
8. I have never gone down-hill skiing. It looks like fun, but I'm afraid of hitting a tree and splitting my skull open. Is there some way I could do tandem skiing? Maybe be pulled in a sled behind a skier? Ride on their shoulders? I don't know...someone could make a lot of money figuring this out, I'm willing to bet.
9. I want to play "Auntie Mame" on Broadway.
10. And finally--to top it all off--I want to gallop bareback on a black stallion along a Carribean beach as the sun sets, then do an elegant leaping dismount at a bonfire cookout that lasts all night. All this presumes that I can stay on the horse for longer than 5 minutes. I see creative use of Velcro here.
Seriously, though, lately I have been feeling rather "done" with life. I don't foresee any Bucket List items being fulfilled right now. I know that sounds Debby-Downer like, but I'm not looking for sympathy here. I just am somehow convinced that whatever I was put here to do is pretty much done, and now I'm just waiting around for the curtain to drop. Perhaps this is the "empty nest" syndrome I am sick of hearing about. But my nest isn't totally empty--it still has two very large baby birds in it flapping around and trying to act like full-grown eagles. But be truthful--they don't need me to regurgitate fish for them anymore and put it in their mouths. (OK, I'll quit with this analogy now that it is getting disgusting.)
If you start lecturing me about how "this is the most beautiful time of your life!" I will very kindly send you to your room without supper and ground you for a year. It is NOT beautiful--it is a difficult, stress-inducing thing to realize you are getting old and "non-bouncy." It is easy to get cynical after spending years doing the "right thing," and then realize you are facing possible unemployment just when you really would like to be planning your retirement.
I was feeling so whiny and self-centered last week that I just had to spend some time reading Ecclesiastes (that book of the Old Testament with King Solomon droning on and on about "futility"). It's funny how reading someone else say "woe is me" over and over can actually bring a person out of a funk. Maybe it's because, as the C.S. Lewis-attributed quip says, "We read so we know we are not alone." I was struck by how many times Solomon told me to just back off from my introspection and be 'simple.'. "Behold, that which I have seen to be good and proper is for one to eat and to drink, and to enjoy good in all his labor, in which he labors under the sun, all the days of his life which God has given him; for this is his portion (5:18)."
So...for right now I think I will bake a loaf of bread, break out some Diet Dr. Pepper and re-trench. We don't know how long we have, and we have really no concept of what our lives mean to others. Our struggles with our own narcissistic selves will keep us busy as we try to see what God sees in the Big Picture.
He has made everything beautiful in its time. He has also set eternity in the human heart; yet no one can fathom what God has done from beginning to end. I know that there is nothing better for people than to be happy and do good while they live. (Ecc. 3:11,12)
