Halloween as Wish Fulfillment

Growing up in a preacher's home, my favorite holidays were, of course, Christmas and Halloween. Yes, you heard me right. At Christmas, all the loveliness of the Jesus story was out there for the world to see, and everything surrounding the season was a joy to me--family, food, decorations, and of course, presents.

But Halloween meant I could become, for a short time, someone other than myself. Someone who wan't a nerd, or shy, or gawky. Understand...I was growing up just previous to the Satanism hype (no goats being sacrificed in our neighborhood, believe you me!), and the darker, more sinister meanings of the holiday just hadn't penetrated down to small town churches in Wisconsin.

 All my early Halloweens were spent dressed as a Princess. A Princess could wear makeup, could wear a pretty long dress and mince around looking important and self-confident. A Princess could even be too tall for her age...that was OK for a Princess, because her dad was the Boss of the World. You haters could just go on hatin', 'cause I was gonna be a really tall Princess.

Then one day I decided I was too old to be a Princess, so for our church's annual Halloween party (you heard that right--we DID that back then!) I decided to go as someone sultry, mysterious and just a little frightening. Yep. I was "Dracula's girlfriend/Mrs. Frankenstein/Zombie Woman" (or something). Just whatever is the opposite of Quiet Reserved Pastor's Kid.

Yes, I'm amazing. 

I know this must seem scandalous to you all, but I have more shocking dirt to dish--at that same party, I have photographic evidence to prove that my father (the Baptist preacher) came as a priest (collar backwards!), my mother as a Hindu woman, and my little brother as a girl. Oh, a Freudian psychologist would have had a field day with all this if we would only pay him lots of money and show up to his office for several months.

But we didn't need to. We had games to play at this church party; activities our family has lovingly labeled "Games for Sexually Repressed Christians." Let's see--we could play "Electricity" (holding hands! squeezing fingers!); Pass the Orange Under the Chin Relay (chest to chest action!); Pass the Life Saver on the Toothpick from Mouth to Mouth (almost kissing!!!!). Is it any wonder the church basement was packed?

A brief aside...there was one odd year when I came to a College Age party at the church as "Candy Barr." I think there may have been patterned stockings involved...I'm not sure how I got safely out of the house that time without parental interference.

Then there was the Halloween I was the Hippie my parents wouldn't let me be for real. Although I had to go through a gender change to really give it the "umph" it needed (see photo). Despite being a teenager in the '70's my experience with actual Hippie culture was pretty much limited to sneaking over to a friend's house for a dip into the forbidden John Denver and Monkees pool. I'm afraid I could even be elected President  safely, because I never inhaled ANYTHING. This costume was definitely a flight from reality for me.

And need I mention that we went Trick or Treating every year, as well, until I got sick of people asking me "aren't you a little old for this?"

I suppose this is where I should bemoan what Halloween has become-- kids being shunted off from Trick-or-Treating and silly parties in the church basement to "Autumn Festivals" held in community centers where they have to come dressed up as in a costume from This Year's Approved List of Optimal Educational Characters. I won't, though, because I promised to be non-cranky. I just get my bowl of candy and sit by my door every October 31st and hope some princesses and Dracula's wives show up. I'll only be cranky if you show up with no costume and a pillowcase. THOSE kids make me ornery!

And this year...I'm dressing up as a Highly Paid and Successful Blogger.

Yoga, Anyone?

I know some of you may not have believed me in my last post when I said we had a DVD called "Yoga Booty Ballet" on our sales inventory for our home business. Well, I've got news for you. There's enough Yoga out there to float a ship full of old hippies. It's not like I'm unaware of this phenomenon--I even flirted briefly with a DVD program called "An Invitation to Christian Yoga" (I was looking for some stress relief at the time...nothing new for me...). It was a valiant effort, but one of the downsides of living in a house/warehouse is that I think I have approximately 12 square inches of floor space left in each room. "Saluting the Sun" resulted in swollen knuckles from whacking various boxes, dressers, end tables and bed frames.

It's so tight in our bedroom right now I recently fell out of bed in the middle of the night and got stuck like a turtle on my back between the shelves and the mattress. "Carl! Help!! I've fallen, and I can't get up!" He didn't let me forget that one for a while.

Anyway, we have enough exercise routine DVDs around the house to train a Spartan army, but there's no way in God's green earth I can do anything except walk on my treadmill (the space is reserved--books are not allowed on the treadmill belt). And I have yet to see a Yoga Treadmill DVD. Here is a real live list of some of the Yoga disc variations that have come across our path:

You've got your "mommy yoga...."

Bend, Breathe, and Conceive: Fertility Yoga
Yoga Kids
Baby and Mom Post-Natal Yoga
ZenMama with Rainbeau Mars: Prenatal Yoga Workout
Itsy Bitsy Yoga: Poses to Help Your Baby Sleep Longer, Digest Better, and Grow Stronger

Your "body part yoga..."

Yoga for a Healthy Back
Sarah Ivanhoe's 20 Minute Yoga--Flat Abs/Sculpted Buns and Thighs
Yoga Buns: The Complete Workout to Strengthen, Lengthen and Tone Your Body
Yoga for Your Eyes
Yoga for Your Hands

And your "really cool yoga..."

Kundalini Yoga Flow Bootcamp
Iron Yoga
HeavyWeight Yoga 2: Change the Image of Yoga
Yoga Booty Ballet 2-Disc Set: Light & Easy / Latin Flavor
Power Yoga for Happiness 2: The Surf Edition
Yoga Zone Power Yoga
Yoga Dance Fusion
Crunch - Candlelight Yoga
Hot Yoga

Then there are the few videos I might possibly even THINK about attempting:

Yoga for Equestrians: A New Path for Achieving Union with the Horse
Yoga For Inflexible People
Yoga in Bed: 20 Asanas to do in Pajamas

Yeah! Bed exercise!

I don't know. I guess Yoga just brings back incredibly painful memories of Junior High gym class. That teacher is still lurking out there somewhere, I'm sure; a woman in her 70's who is probably sitting cross-legged on floors and liking it. Mrs. P, I'll call her...the evil Gymnastics Witch. I suppose my memories are just slightly flawed, but I really believe that we never did anything except uneven bars, balance beams, tumbling and floor routines. Anything that involved humiliating a 5 foot 11 inch 7th grader with the flexibility of Pinocchio. Although I suppose even  Pinocchio might be able to put his legs behind his head...

Yes, I'm Gonna Try This

Hi.

This blog is in response to several pressing pressures in my pressurized life. First pressure--my friend Wendi will not stop harassing me to "write something." Second pressure--I graduated with a useless degree in English, which qualifies me to do nothing except write the Great American Novel. Which this is the first chapter of. (Please ignore all grammar mistakes from here on out.) Third pressure--I spend much of my day sitting at my computer and looking over books and videos that I then list for sale on Amazon (for our family book-selling business) and the combination of random facts assailing me hourly and the need for a social life seems to need an outlet.  Sorry about that, but it's probably healthier than going out on the street and assailing random people with tidbits like "Did you KNOW that there is such a thing as 'Booty Ballet Yoga?' And that people actually buy DVDs like that??"

You really don't need to know much about me, because if you are reading this, you are probably one of my 5 friends who are just curious to see if I ever have any serious thoughts about anything. Then again, I have a feeling several of my friends haven't a clue what I'm about, and that's ok. I'm good enough, I'm smart enough, and doggone it...people like me.

And now that I've said I won't talk about myself, here's my data. Because writers are all just navel-gazers at heart, and I am no exception. I am a 50-something year old woman married to an equally aged man; I have four grown children who hate talking to  me on the phone because I am always shouting "What? I can't understand you! Are you calling from a bus station or something?" I am  failed cowgirl (couldn't get a job punching cows), so I pretend a lot by wearing riding boots and posting photos of myself with various horses. I love reading books, but I rarely have enough time. And this blog will just be another distraction from the work I'm supposed to be doing.

What to expect if you come to this space on the World-Wide-Web-Internet Cloud...(my daughter tells me I have to "tell what I hope to accomplish." Right.)...I am resigned to the fact that no one ever takes my advice on anything, so you won't find much advice here. Unless I'm irked about something, and then you'd better SHAPE UP, SEE! The best thing I can say about my child-raising skills is that not one of my four were potty trained before the age of 3. Please look elsewhere for sage wisdom on that score.

This will be a place where I will take all the random thoughts that go through my brain as I work with books all day, line them up verrrry carefully (the thoughts, not the books; they will be piled all over my house as usual), and then publish them and hope they will bring about world peace. This is, of course, only going to happen if you, ALL of you, link to my blog and make sure all the various Senators and Representatives and School Board Superintendents and Important  Public Officials are aware of the greatness published herein. And then I need a book deal. Thanks very much.

P.S. I have absolutely no (informed) political thoughts. That may dampen the enthusiasm of some, but it also may get me a TV show if I play it right.